Help Your Child Boost Their Confidence
Who doesn’t like to have confidence in a social situation? I think everyone could agree that we all wish we had a bit more of it. Our kids are now 7, 9, 11 & 13 and I they do not shy away from a conversation with anyone. Some people assume they all have a naturally outgoing personality but truth be told, one would rather be in the woods alone with nature and another is quite often lost in his own world in his head. So for all of them, this idea of confidence in public has been a learned thing. Here are 3 ways we have helped our kids boost their social confidence and I hope one or all of these will prove to be useful for your family. I just have one disclaimer, these are things that have worked for us but our family operates, I’m quite sure, differently than yours. These are just helpful tips that you can take and make your own to fit your family or maybe one of them will spark an idea on how you can implement something similar with your kids.
ok, now, let’s jump in!
No. 1 have them order their food at a restaurant
ok, this one may seem small or silly but I can assure you it has helped my four in building confidence. Just like anything else in life, this is a learned skill; you do not take them to a restaurant and put them on the spot to have them order their food. They have to know that you will have their backs when they need to lean on you.
So here is how it might play out for us at a restaurant: we look over the menu and decide what meal to order, and if there are options for it I talk them through those, i.e. how do you want your eggs? what side of dressing will you want for your salad? you get the point. Once that has been established, I remind them of a few key points: speak clearly, look at the person you are talking to, and that I believe in them. Now that they are ready to order, they may do nervous things like place their hand over their mouth when speaking, constantly look at me in search for words, or speak softly and mumble but all of that is ok. I have to remember, this is a learned skill and my job is to coach them through gently, without making them look bad in front of the waiter. Some gentle ways I help them while they are ordering: When they look at me in a nervous way, I give them a thumbs up to let them know they are doing great. If they are going to fast because they are nervous, I make a hand gesture to slow down accompanied by a smile to let them know it’s ok to slow down and take their time. And if words aren’t coming easy, I say the word to them, not the waiter, because in bypassing them, I let them know that they are failing and I will take over.
of corse, this can’t always be the way it plays out, sometimes we are in a hurry and other times it’s just not the right situation for it. We have to assess and know when to give them this opportunity and when it’s best not to do so.
No. 2 include your children in conversations
Have you ever been in a conversation that is one you need to lower your voice and speak in more hushed tones so the kids playing their card game at the table don’t overhear? yeah, I’m not talking about those… I am talking about the conversations you may be having with a fellow momma or friend that are child appropriate. These are great opportunities to open up the circle and let them listen to the adults talking and let them see how people respond and if the opportunity arrises, ask a direct question to them and wait for their response. waiting for their response lets them know that their opinion matters and even thought you are talking with other adults, you value their response. Giving value to their opinions, words and ideas is an amazing way to boost their confidence!
No. 3 open things up for discussion
We do have to be careful with this one in not putting to much on our kids before they are ready, I am not talking about having them make big decisions but there are many opportunities in which we can allow our children to be part of a decision making. I know we are used to making most of the decisions ourselves from the moment our feet hit the ground to the second our heads hit the pillow, but I think this is one area we don’t want to miss out on! As parents we are to asses our children and what their brains and hearts are capable of processing, and we need to use caution when opening things up for discussion but there are many ways we can include them. Such as, what shall we pick up for dinner on our way home from soccer practice? or what books shall we place on our next order from Thriftbooks? What games do you think would be good to put out for our friends coming over with young children? What flower arrangement do you think we should get for our neighbor who just had a baby? Let’s look at our week schedule together and decide what fun activity we should do!
these are easy questions and the more you let them in, the more you realize there are many opportunities to open up for discussion with them! Letting them have a voice brings value to them in such a beautiful way!
